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The Marble Block of Consciousness

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All we are is our experiences till now. Any meaningful statement of qualities we possess, or any kind of “nature” of our being which can be clung to as an essential “me” or “self” is entirely determined by, and in relation to, our life experiences up until now. Every experience happened either as a choice or as not a choice, and each gave us or reinforced patterns of perception and action like carving our conditioning out of a large marble block. Each block contains all possible forms within it until one in particular is uncovered, except that every day the shape is being further uncovered. There is no final form which is any bit more of an inherent entity, except that it has had further conditioning by experiences. Every consciousness is made of the same “stuff” that has been conditioned into unique arrangements by unique experiences. Each sentient mind is like a glorious sculpture, where the material of each member of the same or similar species  is the same original material. The human development process is becoming increasingly in tune with that essential “stuff”: the material from which the personality is formed (consciousness). At some point the individual can see beyond the shape of each marble statue to also recognize the self-same material each statue is made from. With the widening of perspective comes a wise detachment, a spaciousness of mind; each painful experience is a little less painful. But this is with the track of development–not age. However, it is often difficult in the higher levels of perspective to maintain an ability to interact with the sculptures as their individual sculptured forms. This is why the truly enlightened have merged the two perceptions–of sameness and difference–into a singular one. One that can accommodate multitudes. Until this point of development life alternates between one of the two perspectives. Only the highest level of “realization” can bring a perspective which does not ignore any aspect of either one.

Unbounded

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I am unbounded
in the light of the heavens
i found in
my heart where i’m standing.
and though the muse
is amusing,
biding her time,
and bruising that ego of mine,
i can’t find a reason
to lie about the seas
or the joy of the struggle,
the dance,
or the half-conscious glance at my phone.
but in the clouds i see her
and know that my virtual dimension of
inner comprehension
will fade away in the galaxy of her eyes.
and from this wellspring of emotive force
an inner strength of course
will arise:
the inspiring power of the space of the uncertain
lying between the bliss and the hurt and
the potential for sight beyond
where i might abscond out of fear.
but this fear is weak and dying as
i feel my heart flying.
Alive.
I am here, now, and I
don’t know what will come,
but when I see the face of my muse i know
it will run like a riverflow of bliss and light.
I know it will hit me when I least expect
from introspection
I will see it ignite.

And thus the death of my fear is known.
And thus my heart is home:
Unbounded.

the door unlocked

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i keep the door unlocked
because she could stop by
but why?
why do i care
or stare
at the wall and the screen?
an ephemeral glimpse of a dream
a clandestine crush
your face a rush
of blood in my brain
i see the weight of the pain
but i am beyond the tears
the fears,
the doubts, the leers, on account
of the love of my friends
and myself
so leave me on the old bookshelf
as i so leave you, too, i rue
the day you came into my eye
everytime i think i die
but soon i’ll fly
free
and above the clouds i’ll see
the glimmer of light and power,
the shower, of love,
i have it,
within
And i‘m not giving it to you anymore
because i feel the shore
draws near, again
to my end
of growth
i awoke
inside my sin
of leaving the door unlocked
within
and without,
so the reaper will come in and shout:
“wake up you stupid fuck!
this dream is shit!”
from it i wish
to find my peace
never to see my heart so in pieces.
until the next “she” awakens my fears,
perhaps then wasted years,
perhaps i’ll have a few more beers;
to steer away from all this woe
there is no place i will not go.
so fucking fight me now, OK?
Today I love me. Today.

2014: Year of Travel, Languages, and Pushing the Limits of Learning

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This year i will be greatly expanding my creative and scholarly works and attempting to push the limits of my mind and being. 2013 proved to be an excellent year for my seeds of productivity to take root. I have grown exponentially into myself, and am ready for that to extend beyond myself and into the world. This year will be a grand experiment of the limits of my will to learn, grow, and create, and it is my intention to document through written word and video alike the developments and progressions as they come.

I will be attempting to every day meditate, exercise, and to once again sleep polyphasically (I’ll be starting with an Everyman cycle with 4.5 hr core nap and two 20-min power naps). In addition to these general lifestyle changes my intended to-do list is pretty extensive.

I hope to:

-Record an album of my own solo-music

-Record an album with my old band Nightwalk

-To finish the final 40+ credits i need for my BA through self-study alone and to take the GRE

-To write an ebook on language learning

-To organize all of my writings over the years in such a way that i can begin to compile books and more developed theses to pursue research of

-To learn how to cook fairly well a wide variety of American and international foods

-To get my Spanish, French, Esperanto, German, and Arabic up to C1-level in the European Framework of Reference for Languages or 4 in the FBI Language Proficiency Scale (in other words, functionally fluent, though not to mastery); To become conversationally capable (B2 in CEFR; 2+ in FBI) in Tibetan, Portuguese, Tagalog, and Ojibwe; And to become at least slightly less so conversational (B1 and 2 respectively) in Quechua, Aymara, Russian, Mandarin Chinese, and Sranantongo.

-Travel to the Middle East (Saudi Arabia and Kuwait) to study the Qur’an, Arabic calligraphy, cooking, music, and culture while visiting with my family;

-Travel to the Philippines to visit an old childhood friend of mine and to learn Tagalog;

-While visiting my family’s cottage in Canada to spend time on the nearby Ojibwe Island reserve and learn about their culture and language extensively;

-To travel with my best friend to his home country of Colombia, and to then travel through the continent of South America through hostels and couchsurfing, paying particular emphasis on spending time with indigenous cultures (especially Quechua and Aymara, with the hope of helping to preserve their culture), and paying our way through busking, internet entrepreneurship, and odds-and-ends jobs for extra cash, food, lodging, and travel.

-To document and record in some detail through video and written word my travels, music, and studies throughout the year, in order to track my progress for myself and to inspire others.

Perhaps a tad ambitious, but i firmly believe in the awesome capacity of the human mind. If i achieve a fraction of these, it will be a most successful year.

If you wish to support these endeavors of mine, please subscribe and check in regularly to learn of my progress. Soon i’ll be posting a trevolta (croud-funding travel site) link for the trip to the Philippines and in May i’ll be posting the trevolta for my South America trip.

Thank you for your support and readership!

-J. Ibrahim Abuhamada

Life Update

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I am very happy. I am very, very happy. Even when i may say i’m feeling stressed about one thing or another, it is a very subtle stress in the back of my mind, more akin to a mild tension which really doesn’t consume my attention all that much. While i am largely discontented with the systems of school and work, i am nonetheless joyous. I am knowing now a motivation that all my life i have strived for, but for whatever reason could not find the energy to bring forth. Right now in addition to full time work and part-time school i am finally progressing in all the areas i’ve sought to progress in.
1. I’m studying Arabic intensively, and have reached a degree of proficiency which i feel surpasses my French or Spanish at their heights. I’m hoping to be a translator of some sort, and at this rate, i will be able to do so in a couple of months or sooner.
2. I’m playing guitar every day, even if for only 10 minutes. I’m finally progressing in my personal style, becoming more fluid and natural, which i haven’t felt for a very long time. My hope with this is to have a solo album recorded and mastered by the end of the summer.
3. I’m healthy, physically and mentally. I’m taking better care of myself than i ever have, and i’m noticing profound results. I’m exercising daily, while eating primarily organic and all vegetarian, leaning towards vegan where i can. I’m also using predominantly organic hygiene products, and avoiding any kind of factory-made chemical. With all of these, i’m noticing far more energy and mental clarity than i’ve ever had.
4. I’m writing a LOT. More than i’ve ever written before in my life for so long a period. Insights come to me constantly, and my fluidity in expressing thoughts feels clearer and easier than i’ve ever yet felt. I’m fixing up my scholarly paper on religion, which i hope to publish, and i’m finally compiling together my book which will be a unification and summation of all that i have learned about life, the mind, and reality, and my ideas pertaining to them. I hope to publish the paper over the next few months, and i hope to finish writing the book over the summer.
5. Spiritually i have firmly grounded myself in the highest level of consciousness i have ever known. My mind feels like it is expanding exponentially, becoming more and more spacious, and my realizations are becoming more and more frequent. Suddenly it’s as if all the knowledge and experiences i’ve garnered over my lifetime are gravitating together forming a single, unified, body in the field of transpersonal consciousness. Everything is coming together quite profoundly.
At this rate, I don’t know what more can go right for me. My career may blossom and ripen sooner than expected, perhaps, or I may achieve a new boon while deep in meditation. Even now, love is no stranger to me, and i am wrapped in a warmth and radiance so immanent, and so profound, that time has taken on a new nature for me. Everything is just happening to me. It’s all happening precisely as it’s meant to, and I’m sitting on the sidelines of my life watching it all happen with gratitude and fascination. Every day this gratitude grows, and my love for all living things deepens further. Not only am i excited to wake up each day, I’m excited for the next day, and the day after that. Every day is the best day of my life, and there’s no sense that this feeling will be uprooted anytime soon, because it is planted within the ground of my inner being, and not my external self. 
But i have said more than enough; it’s time to go back inside.

Thankfulness

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Whether you call it by the name “universe” or “God” or “karma,” take refuge in the undying faith that “it” will provide for you, because it always will. You will always be given just what nourishment and support you need to help you develop from seed to sapling to blossom to fruit. Sometimes the nourishment is in the form of painful medicine. Nevertheless, be sure to give thanks for that primordial love which permeates all your phenomenal experience and nurtures you from within.

Sick of the System

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I am much too free-thinking and individualist for this broken occupational/educational system. My work and my schooling are nothing but disappointment, stress, and frustration. If your response is that this is just life, then i’m sorry, but i want no part of your manner of living. Education can be valuable and fulfilling, and work can be efficient, creative, and focused on the well-being of the employees. The “system” is shit. I can’t stand it. As soon as i can get out, i will. Life is too short. It is meant to be meaningful and joyous. I can subsist on my compassion and creativity. And I can impact the world of scholarship on my own. These are what i will do. Call me an idealist if you will, and i will call you a cog in the machine. If you’re happy as a cog, i’m happy for you. I am not a cog, nor will i ever be. I’ve tried, and it only results in me abandoning everything i hold as significant in life. No more.

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